Recovery part 5
Cooperating with God
Today we are looking at Step 5 in the Recovery process. The first three steps are about recognizing the truth of our situation and God’s power. The fourth step is being honest about our faults and failures in order to be truthful about what the next steps ought to be in our life. The 5th step is about making that plan. But, here’s the Good News. God already has a plan. The plan, the promise, and the power has already been supplied by our Lord. Here’s a recap of the steps as we begin looking at how we can surrender to God.
R ealize I’m not God. I admit I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.
E arnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
C onsciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
O penly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
Which leads us to …
V oluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.
In Recovery, we tend to think of the specific behaviors as the problem. In fact, those are really symptoms of the problem. Those behaviors come from the defects in our character. And those defects have a source, too. Today, let’s take a quick look at the source of those defects, why it is difficult to remove them on our own, and last how we can cooperate with God who will remove them if we are willing to surrender to His will.
Where do my character defects come from?
There are 3 main sources for character defects, though each of them essentially are products of sin. Sin is something that has become unpopular to discuss in many churches, but that doesn’t change the fact that sin is a real issue. In fact, it is the sole issue. So, perhaps a better question would be, “How does sin manifest in the life of a person?” In either form, the answer is threefold.
First, sin affects a person’s DNA to produce character defects.
Though it became entirely too popular in the late 20th century to blame our parents for our problems, it is true that people inherit predispositions towards certain attitudes and habits from the family gene pool. Even children who grow up without their biological parents can still exhibit their parents’ behaviors in certain ways. In some cases, it is just an interesting genetic quirk. In others, it can become a big problem.
Second, sin affects a person’s circumstances to produce character defects.
The other side of the “nature vs nurture” debate is ‘nurture.’ People learn habits and gain hang-ups from other people. Human beings need certain things in life in order to grow and prosper. In the education world, teachers are battered with a pyramid diagram that orders these needs by importance. It’s called “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs,” and whether or not you agree with the order, it demonstrates the needs each person has in order to grow and learn as a human. A better version of this diagram is actually this chart here.
As a person grows, their needs change over time. Something to consider as you reflect on your own life is how you might have missed fulfillment of a particular need growing up, and that deficiency causes you to seek fulfillment in unhealthy ways. Rick Warren states it this way:
A lot of your defects are simply self-defeating attempts to meet unmet needs. You have a legitimate need for respect. But if you didn’t get respect early in life, you settle for attention and figured out a way to get attention in many various ways. You have a legitimate need for love, but if you didn’t get love you may have settled for cheap sex, to get the emotional closeness. You have a need for security but if you didn’t get it, you may have tried to cover yourself with materialism and possessions to show “I’m secure.”
Rick Warren
It is important to identify the sources of your habits, if possible, because once you identify the why, you can also identify what triggers that response. This is where a good counselor comes into play. As you go through the process of Recovery, it can be very helpful to talk with a professional who can help you identify events in the past that are still corrupting your present.
Third, sin affects a person’s choices to produce character defects.
Nature and nurture work together to guide our choices. Many people will proudly proclaim, “I make my own decisions!” They are right, but those free-will decisions are based on their genetic foundation and prior experience—believe it or not. Additionally, once a decision about a particular thing is made, that decision will guide the next, and the next and the next, and so on. Doing one thing enough times creates a habit. And a habit that is continually fed becomes a lifestyle. No one destroys their life in a day. A series of decisions and habits were made that led to the destruction.
Why is it so hard to change the defects in my life?
Well, it is so hard because that is the nature of sin. It affects our soul, of course, but it also affects our minds and bodies, as well. Sin affects our minds in two ways.
First, sin makes us believe we were made sinful.
Now, at this point I should note, some Christian traditions believe this is true. They teach that humans are born sinful and guilty of sin. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to dig too deep here, but let me summarize my position this way: humans are born with a bent towards sin because of their corrupted human nature, but they are not born guilty. In other words, a person will absolutely fall into sin in the course of their life, but they are not born automatically a guilty sinner. It’s a subtle nuance, but I believe it is a necessary one, because otherwise, we preach the same lie the devil tells the addict—“You were born this way.” The only people born with addictions are the poor souls whose mother was on alcohol or drugs while pregnant. And, the Bible has support for my point.
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
James 1:13-15
Sin comes from the temptations and desires around the human. Babies aren’t born with too many temptations. They want to eat, sleep, and poop—just normal, healthy human drives.
Likewise, Romans 5 gives a comparison between Adam’s Fall and Christ’s Victory. In it, Paul makes the note:
for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law.
Romans 5:13
Now, Paul also made the point in chapter 1 that people were without excuse because God has made Himself plain through Creation, but that is in the context of adults. God does not count sin against those who do not have the law (i.e. small children). It is when a person develops an understanding of right and wrong that sin becomes an issue.
One last verse is found in Matthew.
but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 19:14
Jesus makes the comparison between the children in the audience and the adults who wanted them to go away by simply stating the kingdom of heaven belongs to those like the children. Entrance into the kingdom of heaven requires the faith and innocence of a child. As much as we want children to grow into productive and healthy adults, it is also healthy for adults to remember what it was like to have the faith and innocence of a child.
Now, with that little detour out of the way, let’s return to this ancient lie. The fact is we are not made sinful. God does not create us, nor design us, to be sinful people. Sin, and its habits and hang-ups, is not a defect in God’s design. It is not a part of our identity. It is a corruption of our identity.
But that lie is compounded by what we perceive to be positive effects of sin. Make no mistake, sin always looks like the good option at first.
By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.
Hebrews 11:24-25
The reason people continue in their sinful habits, even when they know they are wrong, is because there is a payoff. Have you heard the phrase, “You catch more flies with honey?” Most people know this saying. Most people would even agree with it. And yet, how many of us will yell at someone to try and get our way? How many lie, cheat, berate, or are otherwise evil towards another human to make sure they get their way? They do that because it has worked in the past. Whenever someone is hurting or depressed, they will seek out risky, sinful behavior because the effect is a feeling of security or satisfaction they aren’t getting. It may be a superficial and temporary fix, but it is a fix nonetheless.
Now that we have surveyed the problem of sin, let’s look at the last question for today.
How do I cooperate with God’s changing process in my life?
If sin has affected our way of thinking, then the question is how can we change or thinking? This, in fact, is what “repentance” means. Repenting from sin is not just avoiding the behaviors associated with sin, it is also changing how we think about life. Paul says it this way:
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2
We present our bodies as a living sacrifice by being transformed “by the renewal of [our] mind[s].” We must change how we think if we are to change how we behave.
There are seven ways too change your mind in order to cooperate with God to change you and make you what you are designed to be.
1 ) Focus on changing one defect at a time.
The discerning sets his face toward wisdom,
but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.Proverbs 17:24
It is easy to get distracted by all the things wrong with the world and ourselves. Sometimes we can even distract ourselves by trying to fix or accomplish too many things at once. Having our focus spread across too many issues is being a fool with eyes on the ends of the earth. Instead, set your face toward wisdom. Ask God to show you the one most important thing to fix first. Focus on that. Then, when you’ve accomplished some progress, God will reveal the next thing to work on.
Coaches do this all the time with their teams. If a player made a list of every skill they need to practice for mastery, they would too quickly be overwhelmed. Instead, a good coach has a player identify the skill that needs the most attention. Once they master that skill, they will have the player move on to the next. An interesting phenomenon is that even though the player is focused on skill, they will inevitably get better at others too.
The same phenomenon occurs in financial classes. Whenever a family focuses on getting out of debt or building wealth, the discipline necessary to accomplish this feat breeds discipline in other areas. Dave Ramsey noticed that many overweight families who set a budget and stick to it tend to lose weight. They aren’t starving themselves. They just learn to regiment their meals better and quit spending money on extra snacks.
When you do a moral inventory, you may be overwhelmed by the things that come up in your life. Instead of getting frustrated, just take a breath and pray for God to point out the one issue that needs to take precedent.
2) Focus on victory one day at a time.
Similar to the first point, it is best to focus on the day, one day at a time. It can be very tempting to dream about months or years from now, or to get frustrated because you aren’t where you would like to be. We must remember how Jesus taught us to pray.
Give us this day our daily bread,
Matthew 6:11
It’s not praying about bread for the month or year. Jesus told us to pray for the day. We can nothing about the past, and we have little control over the future. What control we do have is really just dealing with the present. So, when you have a better day than the one before, celebrate that.
3) Focus on God’s power, not human power.
Too many people believe if they can exert enough willpower, they can change. That’s thinking that was wrong back in Step 1 and is still wrong at Step 5. The first few steps focus on the Gospel and how it is God who can heal and restore us. That truth must be remembered throughout the Recovery process. Hebrews says it this way;
But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God.
Hebrews 9:11-14
Willpower doesn’t work because it is believing that we can save ourselves. We can’t. Jesus is the High Priest who offered the final sacrifice to secure our redemption. When our faith is in His work, then our consciences will be purified so that we can serve the living God. Living the life God desires is accomplished by focusing our minds on God’s power, not ours.
4) Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.
Have you ever noticed that if you think about avoiding something, you tend to not avoid it? It’s because whatever we fix our attention on, that is what we will move toward. Why do coaches always say, “Keep your eye on the ball”? It’s because that is what you are trying to hit, or catch, or whatever. If you’re up to bat looking at the third baseman, there’s a strong chance you’ll miss the pitch.
This week I went to a driving range with my brother. Personally, I am not a golfer nor do I pretend to be one. But, it was something he and my niece wanted to do, so we went. My first several shots were pathetic. I needed to fix two things—one, keep one arm straight and, two, keep my head down looking at the ball. Now, I don’t plan on joining the PGA any time soon, but I was glad to be able to actually the hit the ball with a solid *crack*.
Rather than worrying about all the ways you can fail in a given day, focus on what you can do well. Paul says it this way:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.Philippians 4:8
Life has a way of throwing all kinds of problems at us. But if we pay attention, we will also see all the blessings God gives us. Focus on the good things in life and pursue those things.
5) Focus on doing good, not feeling good.
There’s a saying that gets tossed around conservative circles—facts don’t care about your feelings. It’s generally used in a less than sympathetic manner, but it is true. Regardless how we feel about the truth, it’s still the truth. Emotions certainly have their place, but emotions can also lie to us. Some days we just don’t feel like doing good. Some days we just don’t want to make our bed or bite are tongue or the number of other things we know we ought to. Do them anyway. And whatever God has given you to do, get to it.
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh
Galatians 5:16
When we walk by the Spirit, when we are working on the goals and tasks God has given us, we will avoid gratifying the desires of the flesh. And on those days when the motivation just doesn’t seem to come, remember what else Paul says:
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9
The rewards will come. They may be slower than we’d like, but they will come.
6) Focus on the people who are helping you make positive change, not the ones dragging you down.
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
1 Corinthians 15:33
Choose the people you keep around you. Growing up, I always heard it this way, “You can’t hang around dogs and not expect to get fleas.” Keep people around you that encourage you and build you up. Cut ties with those who will drag you down. It’s hard, but necessary.
7) Focus on progress, not perfection.
To close, I want to remind you once again of this important verse.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6
Our lives do not get out of hand overnight, and they will not be restored overnight. The Lord is working. He will continue to work and bring it to completion at the right time which will take time. We cannot expect to be perfect, but we can work on progress.