Recovery part 4
Love Beyond Measure
I love a great song. Some songs are good because of the music itself. Some are good because of the lyrics. But a truly great song has balanced both. The words and music work seamlessly. “Who am I” by Need to Breathe is one such song. The verses slow and use minor key notes which give it a somber feeling. It’s the feeling of guilt explained in the lyrics in which the singer laments his part in the relationship. And yet, as each line is given, the piano adds an extra note that is a step up from the last creating a major—a more vibrant chord used in happier music. The music itself is leading us to the chorus in which the singer celebrates the unparalleled love of his spouse. The lyrics illustrate the relationship perfectly.
White lies and desperation
Hard times and conversation
No one should ever love me like you do
Sometimes my bad decisions
Define my false suspicions
No one should ever love me like you do
And this leads to the bridge…
While I'm on this road you take my hand
Somehow you really love who I really am
I push you away, still you won't let go
You grow your roses on my barren soul
Who am I, who am I, who am I
To be loved by you?
In the next verse, the singer once again returns to his feelings of inadequacy.
Last night, confidence was shaken
My wounds and my past was saying
No one should ever love me like you do
While I'm on this road you take my hand
Somehow you really love who I really am
I push you away, still you won't let go
You grow your roses on my barren soul
After the chorus repeats, the singer once again cannot escape this pattern of guilt.
The way I put you through it, what you had to see
I'm a train wreck, I'm a mess, you see the best
And the worst in me
Still I can't imagine that I've earned your trust
I don't understand where your love comes from.
And then the chorus repeats again and again as the singer praises the one who loves him despite his constant failure.
When this song debuted, it was quickly snatched up by Christian radio stations. Many Christians believed Will Rinehart was singing about his relationship with God, and understandably so, but the writers actually had their spouses in mind. Regardless, the message of the song is a beautiful illustration of the dynamics between guilt and love. True love transcends past guilt. It loves the person for who they are, not despite what they have done. The singer of “Who am I” has no idea where this kind of love comes from, but Christians already know the answer. In fact, that’s why Christian radio played this song so much. That kind of love comes from God, and only God. This week we are going to look at the one thing that will prevent us from experiencing this kind of love.
In the last weeks, we have been looking at the steps of recovery through the acrostic, RECOVERY. As a quick review, the first three steps are:
R ealize I’m not God. I admit I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.
E arnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
C onsciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
And this leads us to O:
O penly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
Confession is not something to be taken lightly, nor is it something that many people find comforting. The idea of bearing our souls and faults to another human being can be excruciatingly scary. Nonetheless, it is a necessary step because of what guilt does to us. Today, we are going to look at three effects of guilt in our life, and then we will take a walk through Psalm 32. It is a psalm we have looked at in pieces, but I would like us to put the pieces together today to see what God has for us.
The Destructive Power of Guilt
There are three main effects of guilt. The first is:
1) Guilt destroys my confidence.
It’s impossible to be a truly confident person when you are constantly worried someone is going to figure out you aren’t as well put together as you’ve let on. Failures of the past will keep us from taking risks in the future, especially when we have guilt about how our failure affected the people around us.
There is a story of Arthur Conan Doyle deciding to play a prank on five prominent men in England. He was known to play tricks on people, and one day he wrote letters to these five men. Each letter was sent anonymously and simply read, “All is found out, flee at once.” Supposedly, by the next day all five men had left the country.
Now, this story most likely didn’t happen. In fact, other versions have it being 12 men and one was an archdeacon. But the moral of the story is still true. No matter what kind of success you have on the outside, inward guilt will continue to eat away at your soul with a constant fear someone will find out.
2) Guilt absolutely damages your relationships.
Interestingly, guilt can manifest in relationships in opposite, yet equally destructive ways. For one person, guilt causes them to lash out at people over little things—especially in cases of bosses and co-workers. The guilty party is attempting to control a situation out of their control in order to avoid the pangs of failing again. On the opposite end, guilt can cause people to overcompensate by spoiling people. Think of the clichéd cheating husband who goes out of his way to buy flowers and gifts for his wife. Some parents feel guilty about their children’s situation so they buy toys or other gifts to make up for what they feel are parenting failures. Think of the divorced parents competing over who gives the best Christmas gifts. In fact, many marriage counselors have noted how marriage problems have their root in guilt over past mistakes that happened before the marriage even took place.
3) Guilt keeps me stuck in the past.
Ultimately, the effect of guilt is this last one. The past doesn’t stay in the past. Guilt haunts us in the present making us constantly remember past failures. It robs our confidence, damages our relationships, and we are never able to chart a course into the future. If it remains unresolved, there’s also a good chance it will affect our physical health in the form of ulcers, heart problems, high blood pressure, and the myriad of other ailments that come from constant stress.
So how do we remove guilt from our lives?
Getting Rid of Guilt
The first step to ridding yourself of guilt is to be brutally honest with yourself about the past.
In the Recovery process, this step involves taking a personal moral inventory. I have put copies of the inventory in the bulletin today, and if you need more, there are copies available in the foyer. When you do this, take your time. In fact, some people will work on it one day, and then come back and write more later. For some, it becomes a habit. It’s a way of keeping up with new life developments and their effect on you.
Now, “personal moral inventory” may sound a bit like new-fangled pop-psychology, but the process is as old as the Bible. When the Israelites found themselves in Exile, Jeremiah led the remnant through the process of examining their failures as a nation and writing down their sins. The result was the Book of Lamentations. In chapter 3, Israel says,
Let us test and examine our ways,
and return to the Lord!Lamentations 3:40
When David sinned before God, part of his repentance would involve writing a song. Psalm 139 is one example, and in it he writes:
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!Psalm 139:23–24
We cannot return to the write course if we never acknowledge where we went wrong in the first place. We can rely on God to help surface those things we have buried deep in the past. He already knows. It is up to us to be honest with ourselves and allow Him to cleanse us by digging out our guilt.
Now, when God surfaces those past failures, there is a strong chance it is going to hurt. Many people, when confronted with their past, want to do the very thing they shouldn’t. They will go back into denial or suppress it again. Don’t do it! If you do, you will only find yourself repeating the same mistakes as before. Instead,
The second step to ridding yourself of guilt is to accept responsibility for your faults.
Is it “all your fault?” Maybe not, but you still have to accept the part that is your fault
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
1 John 1:8
Now, if you have made it this far in the process, then you are well on your way. Being brutally honest about our past and accepting responsibility for our part in the mess are two of the hardest things you will ever do in your Christian walk. Even more, I have some good news for you. If you read the very next line in 1 John 1, you will read:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
The next step is to accept God’s forgiveness.
The third step to ridding yourself of guilt is to ask God for forgiveness.
You don’t have to beg. You don’t have to bargain. You don’t have to bribe. In fact, none of those is actually accepting forgiveness. God freely forgives because the work for forgiveness has already been done. God does not forgive us based on our merit. He forgives us based on His. He has already sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to be the basis for our forgiveness. Jesus went to the cross paying the price for our failures. He rose again proving His power over life and death, sin and forgiveness. He sits at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us.
That word “intercession” is a fancy church word that comes from the legal world. Every time our past says, “God can’t forgive you because you did this and that,” Jesus says, “Nope, that’s already paid for.” Every lie we’ve told. Every abuse we’ve inflicted. Every time we were unfaithful. Every time we hurt someone and every time we hurt ourselves, God will still forgive because Jesus has already paid the price.
So, before we close with the last step. Let’s take one more walk through Psalm 32.
Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
Blessed is the one who is forgiven and the Lord finds no fault in. This is the key to a blessed life. But how are we to live such a life when we know we have sinned? How can we be blessed when our guilt remains?
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
If we keep silent about our guilt, our bones will waste away. The weight of our sin will continue to press on us. But…
I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
Instead of keeping silent, we must run to the Lord! If we confess our sins and failures, then God will forgive us. God has made Himself known to us. He has already come to us. Jesus came so that the mercy and forgiveness of heaven will be open to whomever will receive it. Rather than being afraid of God, we can say:
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.
And as we walk through this life, God promises to walk right alongside us. We don’t have to keep making the same self-destructive mistakes because God will guide us. He says to us:
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!Psalm 32:1-11
That is the promise we have from God. There is no need to hang on to your guilt. Blessed is the one who rids himself of past guilt. Do that today by going to the One who can, and will, take it away.