A Community of Faith - part 21
Family of God
I have told this story before, but in case you missed it:
When a bank teller is being trained for the new job, they are sat in a room with different types of currency. Either through a book, video, or another teller, they are walked through all the different markings on the currency. At the end of their training, they have to be able to spot a fake bill. Instead of showing different ways criminals fake currency, though, they are taught the real thing. The more they know the real currency, the easier it is for them to spot a fake.
When it comes to all the different ways this world thinks of “family” it can feel like we are being forced to accept fake bills. Now, it’s certainly true no two families will look exactly alike, can we really say that anything that calls itself “family” should be considered “family”? For instance, I’ve always been slightly annoyed when I hear a workplace call themselves family. Wherever I work, that is not my family. It’s work. Family is where I go to get away from work. I understand the sentiment, but family is family.
So what is a family? Today, we are going to look at how Scripture defines a family and how it should operate.
Foundation of Family
God has ordained the family as the foundational institution of human society. It is composed of persons related to one another by marriage, blood, or adoption.
XVIII. The Family
It is worth noting that when God completes Creation, He ends by creating a family. Everything needed for human civilization will stem from the first couple. The family is the building block for humanity, and it should be cared for as such.
Consider the warning Paul gives Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:8.
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8
Think of it this way: the Holy Spirit, through Paul, is saying if Christians forsake their families, then they are worse than those who do not follow Christ. Why? Because it is the height of hypocrisy for someone to say they follow the One who established the family order as the building block for humanity, and then neglect the family in his care.
The Christian’s first duty is to God, and the second is to family.
So, how can we ensure we are fulfilling our duties as family members? The first of many proverbs for today has the answer.
By wisdom a house is built,
and by understanding it is established;Proverbs 24:3
A healthy family comes through wisdom.
As we work our way through the family structure, our goal is to establish how we can be wise in our role and demonstrate that wisdom to others.
Love and Marriage
Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime. It is God’s unique gift to reveal the union between Christ and His church and to provide for the man and the woman in marriage the framework for intimate companionship, the channel of sexual expression according to biblical standards, and the means for procreation of the human race.
The husband and wife are of equal worth before God, since both are created in God’s image. The marriage relationship models the way God relates to His people. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect, and to lead his family. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ. She, being in the image of God as is her husband and thus equal to him, has the God-given responsibility to respect her husband and to serve as his helper in managing the household and nurturing the next generation.
XVIII. The Family
It is no accident that the Bible refers to the Church as “the Bride of Christ”. We bear, and are to demonstrate, the image of God on earth. God reveals Himself in familial terms—Father, Son, Spirit, and Christ and His Bride. The family and the church are the two places where we should see the truth of the Gospel.
Just a quick reminder, God made humans male and female, and it takes both to reveal the image of God.
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.Genesis 1:27
When a man and woman unite in marriage, they are covenanting to become “the one flesh” as spoken of in Genesis 2. They are not just saying, “We will live together,” they are saying “We are becoming one and will reveal the image of God together.”
Look down to Genesis 2:15 and following:
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:15-25
The man could not fulfill God’s commands to him on his own. He was not designed to do so.
Man and Woman were designed to work harmoniously together.
They become one flesh and are called to operate as one flesh. Now, we know in the next chapter that design gets corrupted. The first step is for them to surrender to Christ for healing, and then they can return to God’s design. She can become the excellent wife of Proverbs 12:4.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.Proverbs 12:4
That verse can just as easily be switched to read, “An excellent husband is the crown of his wife.”
As a quick aside, many have noted Proverbs has much to say about great wives but very little on being a great husband. One reason for this is actually pretty simple: Proverbs was compiled by Solomon who wanted to pass on wisdom to his son. There is a lot about finding a good woman, because Solomon wants his son to find a good woman! Even so, the principles work both ways.
A healthy family starts with a healthy marriage.
Working together, husband and wife illustrate the wisdom of companionship found in Ecclesiastes 4.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Arguments about gender roles and worth only demonstrate the failure humanity has seen in understanding the design God has for marriage. What’s worse is the Bible has been illicitly interpreted to support such failures. Consider the infamous Ephesians 5:22 passage:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Well, case closed right? Surely we need not read any further. Only if you are satisfied perpetuating the cycle of destruction caused by lazy Bible-reading.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
The key verse in this passage is not 22. It’s verse 33. A wife’s submission is related to the husband’s ability to be someone worth submitting to.
A godly marriage is one that recognizes God’s design of man and wife in mutual love and in imitation to the nature of God.
Some homework for this week:
Read through Ephesians 5 slowly. Notice how it begins with “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” Then, ask yourself, “Why would Paul complete this letter with this statement and then give commands to various family roles?” In other words, you may ask, “How can my family role imitate the nature and character of God?”
The Blessing of Children
Somewhere, at some point in time, someone wrote the definitive guide to raising children. But then, their child found the book, drew all over it, ripped the pages, and left it in some mud puddle.
Thankfully, the Word of God endures. The BFM summarizes the role of parents and children well.
Children, from the moment of conception, are a blessing and heritage from the Lord. Parents are to demonstrate to their children God’s pattern for marriage. Parents are to teach their children spiritual and moral values and to lead them, through consistent lifestyle example and loving discipline, to make choices based on biblical truth. Children are to honor and obey their parents.
XVIII. The Family
Children are a gift and blessing.
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the glory of children is their fathers.Proverbs 17:6
However, one of the worst things to happen to families in recent decades is the shift in power from parents to children. Christians, if your children run your house, your house is doomed!
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Parents should absolutely be in charge, loving their children as God loves us which includes disciplining them as God disciplines us.
Disciplining the child is loving the child.
God’s people have always been, and always will be, charged with teaching the next generation properly.
“Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4–9
So, how can we right the wrongs of this power shift? One simple answer is to bring back spanking.
No, I’m not advocating abuse, but I am advocating the research-backed, common sense understanding that children cannot be reasoned with. One day, I will write a book on parenting and schooling which will be titled Whoop that kid!
We are not doing our kids any favors by letting them run amuck. Consider how many Proverbs there are about disciplining children.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.Proverbs 13:24
One of my personal favorites is:
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.Proverbs 22:15
Solomon is saying, “Sometimes you gotta whoop the dumb out of the kid!”
Again, the Bible is not advocating abuse. It is advocating training the child for life and for godly living. Consider Proverbs 23:13-14 and 29:15.
Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.If you strike him with the rod,
you will save his soul from Sheol.Proverbs 23:13-14
The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.Proverbs 29:15
The point of a good whooping is to save the child from bringing destruction on himself. It points the child towards wisdom. Of course whipping is not the only answer, but it certainly shouldn’t be excluded from the parenting equation.
Failing to discipline children is destructive for a family.
The last proverb for today says:
The wisest of women builds her house,
but folly with her own hands tears it down.Proverbs 14:1
Again, we could substitute “men” for “women” and it would mean the same thing. There are enough destructive forces in this world attacking our families. We do not need our own foolishness making it worse.
Instead, let’s consider how we can raise our families well and build a legacy of godliness.
As we close today, let us return to Ephesians 5:1, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” How can we imitate God through our families?
The first step is to surrender to Jesus to have cleansing of sin, because it is sin that causes us to deny the Creator in whose image we have been created, and it is sin that prevents us from living as God designed us to live.